life wins

I am convinced that what our church is experiencing is not normal. I am not saying that it is unhealthy, I am simply saying that it is abnormal. And I do not mean that it is unfair or too much or the worst possible thing. I simply mean that the last year has not been normal.

We are in a season of abnormal grief. In the last thirteen months, our church has been enduring a seemingly endless string of tragic losses. A 51 year old mother of four with a brain tumor, a 31 year old father of three to a freak heart attack, a 7 year old boy in a sledding accident, a 23 year old father to a boating accident, and now a 21 year old young husband to a car accident. This in addition to those who have died of natural causes reveals something of what I mean by abnormal. We have had a year now covered in the grief of losing too many people too young.

And it hurts like hell.

As I relayed the news of the latest tragedy to my wife she complained outloud (more to God than to me, I think), "This is not normal. This is too much grief and loss." She is right. So I began tot hink about what it could possibly mean. All kinds of things came to mind--was this punishment from God, abandonment by God, caused by God, etc.?

I do not believe that this is punishment from God. Most people are okay with this statement--the idea that God punishes his people by killing them is reserved for extremists, occasional bits of the Old Testament we don't enjoy, and the 700 club. (Sorry... sort of, some of that is true). Still, while it is possible that we have some hidden sin in our church, I cannot shake thinking that we are probably not the only church with hidden sins. I know that it is not impossible, so I hate to admit that I am playing the odds that God has not singled us out among all other churches as his unfaithful "Israel." He very well may have, but that seems a bit too conceited for me to say right now.

I do not believe that this is abandonment by God. I know that no one really has a problem with this. Our God is faithful and present. We abandon him... not the other way around.

I do not believe that this is caused by God. And here we may find a rub with many fellow believers. There are large traditions within Christianity that would say that all things are prescribed and authored by God who steers the world through his providence. I readily admit that I am not a believer in meticulous providence. But I am going farther than this. I am saying that sometimes--even often--life and death just happen. Not because God wants another angel. Not because God decided time was up. Not because God has a lesson to teach to the people around someone. Can God not teach someone that they should love him except by killing their husband?

And I know, I know... who am I to question God? I hope you understand that I am actually not questioning God. I am trying to trust him. The point is not debating destiny, sovereignty, foreknowledge, or openness. The point is that I want earnestly to trust God through this season.

You see, I have decided that this season of grief is not a gift from God or a curse. It simply is. For some unforeseen and unknowable reason, our community of faith is bearing through this painful time of loss. And this is where we are. So this is where we will be... until we are not.

I am through searching for answers to the question "why?"... I am now searching for answers to the question "how?" I believe that if this is our season, then we will learn how to grow and be faithful and live in this season. We will learn how to glorify God who is to be praised above all else no matter what. We will learn how to bear witness to the God of Life even in the face of death after death after death. Because in spite of our season, we know that God is the God of life.

And life wins.